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The 'Hall of Fame'

#1 PICK!
Kindle Paperwhite (2024)
#1 · Amazon

Kindle Paperwhite (2024)

9
~$160

The Kindle Paperwhite is the single greatest argument against doom-scrolling your phone at 2 AM. It is a device whose only job is to hold books, and it does that job with the quiet excellence of a product that knows exactly what it is. The 2024 model has a 7-inch glare-free display, adjustable warm light, 16GB of storage (enough for thousands of books), and a battery that lasts weeks. Weeks. Not hours. Weeks. It is waterproof, which means you can read in the bath like the sophisticated human you aspire to be. Over 60,000 Amazon reviewers have given it 4.6 stars, and approximately zero of them have regretted the purchase. We are recommending this as our #1 product because reading is good and screens that only do one thing are revolutionary. We make approximately $6.40 if you buy this. We are telling you this because we believe in transparency.

  • +7-inch glare-free display with adjustable warm light for night reading
  • +Battery lasts literal weeks, not days, not hours, weeks
  • +Waterproof (IPX8), so you can read in the bath like a civilized person
  • +60,000+ reviews averaging 4.6 stars on Amazon
  • -You will start judging people who read on their phones
  • -At ~$160 it costs more than many physical books, but holds thousands
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY

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#2 PICK!
Stanley Quencher H2.0 (40oz)
#2 · Stanley

Stanley Quencher H2.0 (40oz)

8
~$45

Listen. We didn't start the Stanley Quencher craze. That was TikTok. We didn't design this 40-ounce hydration monolith. That was Stanley, a company that's been making thermoses since 1913. All we did was recognize greatness when we saw it and then build an affiliate link around it. The handle is comfortable. The straw is satisfying. It fits in a car cupholder, which sounds basic until you realize most 40oz vessels do not. Over 90,000 Amazon reviewers have given this thing 4.6 stars. It keeps water cold for hours and your personality hydrated for days. We make approximately $1.80 if you buy this. We're telling you anyway.

  • +Keeps drinks cold up to 11 hours with double-wall vacuum insulation
  • +Actually fits in standard car cupholders despite the 40oz capacity
  • +90,000+ reviews averaging 4.6 stars on Amazon
  • +Comes in roughly 47 colors so your personality can hydrate too
  • -You will become the person who owns a Stanley Quencher
  • -At ~$45 it costs more than most water bottles, but less than dehydration
  • -Limited edition colors sell out fast and create genuine FOMO
I NEED THIS RIGHT NOW

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#3 PICK!
LANEIGE Lip Sleeping Mask (Berry)
#3 · LANEIGE

LANEIGE Lip Sleeping Mask (Berry)

9
~$24

The LANEIGE Lip Sleeping Mask is a tiny jar of berry-scented witchcraft that has conquered the entire beauty internet. You apply it before bed. You wake up. Your lips look like they belong on a magazine cover. That is the whole pitch, and 50,000+ Amazon reviewers have given it 4.6 stars because it actually works. Vitamin C, shea butter, murumuru butter, and a proprietary Berry Mix Complex do the heavy lifting while you sleep. We are an affiliate website recommending lip goo and we have never felt more alive. For around twenty-four dollars, you get months of overnight lip transformation. We make approximately $0.96 on this purchase. We are telling you this because we believe in radical transparency and excellent lips.

  • +50,000+ reviews with 4.6 stars, a K-beauty phenomenon
  • +Berry Mix Complex with vitamin C and shea butter for overnight repair
  • +A single jar lasts months because a little goes a very long way
  • +Nourishes dry, flaky lips into something presentable by morning
  • -At ~$24 for a tiny jar, the price-per-ounce math is alarming
  • -You will become the person who evangelizes lip masks to strangers
SECURE THE GOODS

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#4 PICK!
Instant Pot Duo 7-in-1 (6Qt)
#4 · Instant Pot

Instant Pot Duo 7-in-1 (6Qt)

8
~$80

The Instant Pot Duo is seven appliances fused into one countertop monolith that your aunt won't stop talking about at Thanksgiving. Pressure cooker. Slow cooker. Rice cooker. Steamer. Sauté pan. Yogurt maker. Warmer. We didn't even know yogurt needed making, but here we are. This 6-quart model has over 170,000 reviews on Amazon, holds a 4.7-star rating, and has spawned an entire cookbook genre. For around $80, you get a device that turns frozen chicken into dinner in 25 minutes, and that is a genuine miracle of modern engineering. We recommend it with the full weight of this extremely legitimate affiliate enterprise.

  • +Seven functions in one device: pressure cook, slow cook, rice, steam, sauté, yogurt, warm
  • +170,000+ reviews with a 4.7-star average on Amazon
  • +Turns frozen chicken into a real meal in about 25 minutes
  • +Massive recipe community and dedicated cookbooks available
  • -Takes up significant counter space and you'll never put it away
  • -The learning curve on pressure cooking intimidates some people
  • -Your aunt will expect you to match her Instant Pot recipes immediately
ADD TO CART IMMEDIATELY

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